I never thought I would say this... I kinda missed him. It was out of nowhere, I saw him at my cousin's birthday party. I know he is a friend of my cuz's family, but I didn't know he'd come to his b'day party. Imagine my surprise when I saw him across the room. I felt like someone just splashed me with cold water. After 10 freakin' years! And saw him again... I was thinking why the hell I broke up with him. We could have a future together... But it didn't work nonetheless.
But seeing him again last night... It brought a lot of memories... Banging myself in the head and thinking whether I made a mistake. I know everything happens for a reason. It wasn't meant to be.
And then we met again... I thought I moved on. Obviously I'm not. Of course I don't know how he feels about me... He's probably already have a girlfriend (or boyfriend
) -- I have no business poking my nose, even though I would like to know.
It was an awkward meeting. I waved first, we hugged and exchanged pleasantry. "How are you", "What are you doing now?" yadda yadda. I have no idea what we were talking about. I was feeling self-conscious about my appearance: my hair looked awful! My dress was ugly, and I gained weight a lot.
And he looked GREAT. Absolutely great, I felt like an ugly duckling. Damn it. It should be the other way around. I wanna look great in front of him! Call it my ego, but when you meet your ex, at least you should look smashing!
And I completely ignored him afterwards. I couldn't bear to talk to him. I wouldn't know what to say! He must've thought I was a bitch during the party because I was ignoring him. I just couldn't stand my cousins who were berating me, "HEEY! LOOK WHO'S HERE!" Shut up, I could see where this goin... I could feel all eyes actually looking at me and him, judging my reaction. Everyone said I have a poker face. I felt bad ignoring him. Well, at least I said goodbye to him when he excused himself from the party. One of the reasons: MY MOTHER. She didn't know he was my ex. Of course afterwards she interrogating me about him. "Mom, it was a long time ago. We were an item but we're not now."
"Why?"
Why? I don't know why. I shrugged but of course in a couple of days my mom will ask me the same question until I feel I wanna jump off the bridge. Why? Because I was stupid and young. Why? Because I was an idiot and thought the earth was flat.
All I know is... I feel like I blew my chance of happiness by breaking up with him TEN FREAKING YEARS AGO. I'm wondering whether my life would be completely different if I stayed with him instead telling him and broke his heart that I WANTED SOME SPACE AND FINDING MY PLACE IN THIS CRAZY WORLD AND DISCOVER ABOUT MYSELF.
How great it turned out to be...
Mira said... "Hey, you guys meet again. Who knows?"
Miracles doesn't happen twice, dear. The first one was free and I blew it big time. Good Gawd.
My cousin was asking him something when I approached them. But they suddenly clammed up when I was near. Damn it, what were they talking about? I overheard something like, "So do you still have feelings for...." And they spotted me and shut their mouths. What were they gonna say? At least... Gimme some closure. If we weren't meant to be, then we weren't meant to be. I can take it. GIMME A FREAKIN' SIGN!
But seeing him again last night... It brought a lot of memories... Banging myself in the head and thinking whether I made a mistake. I know everything happens for a reason. It wasn't meant to be.
And then we met again... I thought I moved on. Obviously I'm not. Of course I don't know how he feels about me... He's probably already have a girlfriend (or boyfriend
) -- I have no business poking my nose, even though I would like to know.It was an awkward meeting. I waved first, we hugged and exchanged pleasantry. "How are you", "What are you doing now?" yadda yadda. I have no idea what we were talking about. I was feeling self-conscious about my appearance: my hair looked awful! My dress was ugly, and I gained weight a lot.
And he looked GREAT. Absolutely great, I felt like an ugly duckling. Damn it. It should be the other way around. I wanna look great in front of him! Call it my ego, but when you meet your ex, at least you should look smashing!
And I completely ignored him afterwards. I couldn't bear to talk to him. I wouldn't know what to say! He must've thought I was a bitch during the party because I was ignoring him. I just couldn't stand my cousins who were berating me, "HEEY! LOOK WHO'S HERE!" Shut up, I could see where this goin... I could feel all eyes actually looking at me and him, judging my reaction. Everyone said I have a poker face. I felt bad ignoring him. Well, at least I said goodbye to him when he excused himself from the party. One of the reasons: MY MOTHER. She didn't know he was my ex. Of course afterwards she interrogating me about him. "Mom, it was a long time ago. We were an item but we're not now."
"Why?"
Why? I don't know why. I shrugged but of course in a couple of days my mom will ask me the same question until I feel I wanna jump off the bridge. Why? Because I was stupid and young. Why? Because I was an idiot and thought the earth was flat.
All I know is... I feel like I blew my chance of happiness by breaking up with him TEN FREAKING YEARS AGO. I'm wondering whether my life would be completely different if I stayed with him instead telling him and broke his heart that I WANTED SOME SPACE AND FINDING MY PLACE IN THIS CRAZY WORLD AND DISCOVER ABOUT MYSELF.
How great it turned out to be...
Mira said... "Hey, you guys meet again. Who knows?"
Miracles doesn't happen twice, dear. The first one was free and I blew it big time. Good Gawd.
My cousin was asking him something when I approached them. But they suddenly clammed up when I was near. Damn it, what were they talking about? I overheard something like, "So do you still have feelings for...." And they spotted me and shut their mouths. What were they gonna say? At least... Gimme some closure. If we weren't meant to be, then we weren't meant to be. I can take it. GIMME A FREAKIN' SIGN!
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