Terminator Salvation: Guide To Apocalypse

If action movies have taught us anything over the past six or so decades, it is that the end is most definitely nigh. And since the Terminator films are primarily educational ones, we've gone through Salvation's images and gleaned from them the most useful tips for how to make the most of the rapidly approaching Judgment Day. It's important not to go into these things unprepared.

First Order of Apocalypse Business: Stare at It Melodramatically 
Just to let it know it's done something wrong. You never know, it could have been brought up in some shame-based society, and you want to gain the upper hand here, morally, if that is the case. Also, you probably want to get the gawking out of your system right away -- you've got a lifetime (albeit probably a short one, considering, but still) of fighting homicidal robots ahead of you, and you're going to want to be alert for it.

Stare at Each Other Melodramatically
It's the apocalypse. It's a lot to deal with. People stare at each other melodramatically when Target runs out of Slip 'N Slides and beer helmets; imagine what they'll need to do when the machines take over? Besides, it's really the only time when nobody's going to accuse you of being a drama queen, so feel free to take the opportunity to "WTF?!" it up with your eyes as much as you want, Constantine.

Dress Like a Zion Extra
Just because it's the apocalypse doesn't mean you can't have fun with it, fashion-wise. And it doesn't have to be from the The Matrix, really. Just pick your favorite future dystopia film and start looting your desired look at will. Why not? There's no law anymore! There is zero downside to that! And if anybody around the nuclear shantytown can pull off looking like one of the replicants from Blade Runner -- that's your host for End of Days' Next Top Model.

You're Going to Need a Jeep
This might not seem like the most appropriate time to go off-roading, but every shot of this movie seems to have a Jeep in it, so just make a note right now: before you loot your Blade Runner outfits, steal somebody's jeep. The reasons will hopefully become obvious quickly. If not, just go off-roading until they do -- you only survive Judgment Day once, right?

Form an Assembly Line 
To build… whatever. Cool arm bands. Elbow pads for the post-apocalyptic skate park. Robot scorpion tails for your band's album cover. It doesn't matter. The important thing is that you build it together, and in an efficiently cost-saving manner. We won't have CEOs to create brilliant and infallible production models for us after the apocalypse like we do now.

Terminator Bonfire!
Terminators burn at 2500 degrees Celsius, and you need a chemical agent called Thermite to make that happen (according to the TV version, anyway, and TV is the Bible, even after Judgment Day), which only means one thing: Thermite s'mores! You get rid of all the self-repairing endoskeletons and get some delicious campfire treats to boot. Two birds with one chemical death stone.

Don't Mess with This Guy 
Seems obvious, but you never know. Our society has been conditioned over the years to be enthusiastic about robots, but after Judgment Day you'll come across many of them that have glowing red eyes, giant future guns, and do not make adorable R2-D2 whirly sounds, so be advised -- you should not mess with the glowing red eyes kind, no matter how awesome they look.

You Might Want to Avoid the 7-Eleven 
Terminators hate them, apparently. They hate 7-Elevens almost as much as they love product placements. So they're all gonna go, and besides -- you can't afford to get Slurpee-induced diabetes right now. There are no damn hospitals anymore! And if you want disgusting three-day-old hot dogs, you're just going to have to leave them over the Thermite bonfire for 72-hours yourself like everybody else at the radioactive compound.

Just Shoot Everything, Ask No Questions Ever
Just treat every scrap of metal that appears lifeless like it's the broken neck guy at the end ofDie Hard. These bastards are hard to kill, and you can't take any chances. Spare toaster in the underground human lair? Light it up. The gun you're holding? Find a way to shoot that too. With another gun. That you'll then have to find another gun with which to destroy it. It'll keep you pretty busy, but it's not like you have a job to go to or anything to live for or look forward to like new Slurpee flavors anymore, so you probably won't mind. Good luck in the apocalypse!