My Clock Is Ticking

No, no, not the clock on the wall or my watch. My darn biological clock is ticking very hard like a time bomb. Now, I never believed in such thing as biological clock, I mean what the hell is that anyway? Some old wives tales about how you should get married PRONTO before you're getting older and therefore your vags already shrinkage and won't be able to produce little bastards...I mean, little angelic babies. I never believe in such things, and I always prone with the idea that you get married when you WANT TO and ready, not because you HAVE TO and give up the pressure of marriage from your peers and family.

Oh yes, the pressure is always there. How many times that my peers ask me this particular question: "When are you gonna get married?"

Every. freakin'. time.

It drives me nuts whenever someone asks me that. Not because they care, not because they want to see me happily after -- nuh uh, because they CAN. Because they want to poke their nose to someone else's business and gossiping how EVERYONE ELSE IS MARRIED and I'm not! Why can't they accept the fact that I don't want to get married now?

Case in fact, Facebook really gives me a headache. Not because I'm a bit addicted to it, but because I met my old friends from long long way ago -- and they posts their pictures with either their babies or their husbands or their wives. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them. Everyone deserves a happiness and I'm glad each and everyone of them found one. But still the question is always linger: WHEN?

Butt. out. This is my life, baby -- and I'm holding the steering wheel.

Another case in point; my cousin is getting married. Everyone is so busy helping out, and I'm helping out too. Taking care of this and that and this and that -- you know, sort of things. Of course the subject of marriage always come up, and I manage to turn into sour puss. My face will immediately change to unpleasant. I guess in some point my family kinda afraid asking me these marriage and wedding questions because they're afraid I might bite their heads off.

And the most horrendous thing is, the wedding of my cousin is not even began yet -- another cousin of mine is planning her own wedding for next year! I asked her what's he rush? She's younger than me, she still working her ass off, and I KNOW she's having a cold feet for the marriage thing -- but still wanna go on because her fiancee wanna get married quickly. Me and her fiancee do not get along so well. I am very protective of her, and I really don't want her to get married just because she have to or her fiancee forcing her to... I want her to be ready to accept the amount of responsibility in the future and willing to take any kind of crap that she will have during the married life. Don't crawl back to me and complain if your marriage is not what you think it would be. It's not all rainbow and unicorns all the time.

Do I sound bitter and totally against marriage? Don't get me wrong, and I know you would, I'm not against marriage. It just that most people get married for a wrong reason. Either they get married for LOOOOOOVE or they get married because everyone else get married, or they get married because of their peers. For cripe's sake, you get married because you want to and you're ready for your next step of your future, you ready to accept responsibilty -- and people tends to forget this: When you get married, you're not married to the person whom you love -- but the whole damn family! You join other family and form your own. This is not like Cinderella where they rode to the sunset and dancing all night in the moonlight and happily ever after. There is more to it -- and if you're not ready for it, don't think that you are and convinced yourself, "If I'm not ready now, when will I?" -- the answer is YOU WILL KNOW.

I seriously don't need this crap from everyone that berating me with the same question. Who cares about my age? Age ain't nothing but a number. Who cares about my baby maker? Dude, God will granted you a child if you believe. And if you can't have a child, there's always an adoption -- bring happiness to those who needs it. Every child in this world is your child. Just because they're not your flesh and blood, doesn't mean that they don't deserve your tender loving care.

But what about my clock?

I can't deny that it's ticking very hard, I can hear it so loud. I think I saw some dancing babies the other day. Is this mean I WANT to get married? Not necessarily. Maybe I'm a bit envious from all those couples who are getting married or married and already have kids. I thought about how I almost got married when I was younger, but God showed me the way that it wasn't the time and he wasn't my soulmate. But yeah, I will get married because I WANT TO.